These past few weeks I took time to really self reflect on myself and the world around me. My biggest thought was: "when will I start to take mental health seriously?" I continue to preach how mental health is so incredibly important and I realized I was the biggest hypocrite of them all to myself, especially when it comes to body image. I continue to criticize every part of my body and I can't seem to understand why. There are days where I do feel good and I do feel confident in myself and in my body, but most days, I can't help but feel disappointed in what I see in the mirror. I am so tired of being a stranger in my own body and hiding behind my own insecurities, and I can only imagine that many other people feel the same way. Some may not understand the insecurities, the main, or frustration a person can feel when they look in a mirror, but every perceived "imperfection" is put under a magnifying glass. What I did realize is that this type of negative thinking doesn't just happen over night. It takes years for one to feel like they don't recognize themselves or the person they've become. Then comes the pressure from social media, comments from friends, family, fans, and coaches, make-up companies, literally the littlest things build up over time. I continued to think to myself "It's not fair. Why can't I look like that? Why can't my stomach just shrink...etc."
The most negative comments just kept flooding my mind and the most absurd thoughts continued to make me feel so little, so small, so ashamed. I was ashamed of my body and who I was, which now makes zero sense because I have nothing to be ashamed of! I have worked hard for the body I have. It may not be the shape of model body, but it's my body and I have to live in it for the rest of my life. I am thankful I have people in my life who continue to build me, continue to call me out on the negative comments I make toward myself, and continue to support and help me see that I am an incredible person. I don't mean that in a narcissistic way at all. I mean it as in I need to start seeing the good I do and the good I bring in people because I continuously think that whatever I do is not enough, even when I made a difference in someone else's life. They continue to remind me that just like all those negative thoughts in my mind were created with years of repetition, the positive thoughts are created in the same way...through repetition.
So here is my challenge for anyone who is struggling with those negative thoughts, whether it's toward your body, your career, anything...I challenge that anytime you notice yourself having those negative thoughts and they start to feel powerful, I want you to walk to a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and say "I am beautiful. I am worth it. I may feel these negative thoughts, but those negative thoughts DO NOT define me! I am noticing my negative thoughts and I am here to tell the negative committee to SIT DOWN and SHUT UP and I'm going to allow the positive committee to STAND UP and SPEAK UP!!" Honestly you can say anything as long as it's positive :) but once you do that, remind yourself to spread your wings and FLY (First Love Yourself)!!
And here is a picture of me feeling so incredibly vulnerable, yet I like I said, I need to start loving my body and I need to stop hiding behind all the baggy clothes. So here I am, vulnerable and unashamed. #firstloveyourself #fly
