The Fear of Failure
When looking at the big picture, a goal can be terrifying and I think that is why I have put off posting anything on here for a while. Every time I logged on, I had this intense feeling of failing. I was filled with fear, worthlessness, and in a way anger. I want to be able to help others so badly, but I don’t know how to fully do that yet, and that’s when the feeling of paralysis hit. I couldn’t type a single word into my blog because I couldn’t help but think about the end results leading me into another failed cycle. There was a time I believed that my athletic career in no way, shape, or form would be able to relate to my everyday activities, but wow was I wrong! The difference between my athletic career and this blog though is that in gymnastics, I gave it everything I had and continued to fall into this endless loop of insanity, but with this blog, I won’t even give myself a chance to start.
Why Is That Though?
I know for me personally, it’s because I failed so many times at a young age that it led me to fear the simple things in life. The way I looked at the situation was: if I don’t write or post or do anything then I eliminate the chance of failure by 100%. But with that mindset, I was also eliminating the chance of success by 100%. It was driven by the thought of I need to be something or nothing at all. There was no in between. I now realize a part of the reason I thought like this was because of my perfectionism. I could only see things as black or white. There was never a colored spectrum for me to go off of because anything in between was just seen as not good. Whether an athlete realizes it or not, many of them are perfectionists and because of that, every athlete has something in common. They often fear the negative consequences of a “bad” or “less than” perfect performance. I didn’t realize how much it truly overlapped into my nonathletic life until I sat down and really analyzed things and put things into perspective.
As a gymnast, I had one goal and one goal only: to make it to the Olympics. Whenever I would go out and compete, I wasn’t afraid of anything else, but not being good enough, not being successful, and most of all failing. In sports, fear in our bodies is designed to protect us. However, that coat of protection can be the one thing standing between you and your goals. In both my gymnastics career and this blog I felt some sort of fear but every time we experience fear of failure, we tend to react and cope with our fears differently depending on the situation. In gymnastics I coped with the fear by becoming fear. What I mean by that is that I was in a constant state of fear. I was always filled with fear, anxiety, and panic. I kept myself in this unhealthy state because I truly believed if I was always scared then the feeling would become normal and if the feeling was normal then fear wouldn’t be a problem. However, that only had more consequences.
I know I am good at recognizing those so-called “bad” behaviors in others, but for some reason I could never see it in myself. It’s like being able to give advice and watching everyone implement the advice you gave them, but not being able to take your own advice.
So How Do We Solve The Fear of Failure?
To be honest, I don't have all the answers and I wish I did because if I did, I'd be doing everything that I've always been afraid to do. However, the first thing we can do for ourselves is identify where this fear is coming from and why it has such a powerful impact on our lives. Next, we can ask ourselves the question: "Well, what am I going to do about it?" Because living in a constant state of fear really sucks. For me, I continue to fear that these posts don't mean anything to anyone and I am just putting out emotions and being vulnerable for no reason and for anyone who knows me, they KNOW how difficult it is for me to be vulnerable. I guess I just don't want any of this to be a waste and I know I want to help others. At this point, it's just identifying the how. Even though gymnastics and this blog may seem completely unrelated the same fear still exists. Yet, I am the only person who holds the power to change that fear into power and if you have experienced the fear of failure you hold that same faith in your hands. So, how about we make a promise to ourselves?
I promise to devote more time to First Love Yourself FLY. I don't want to be afraid of what others think of me and continue to let that stop me. This project is so near and dear to my heart and I know for a fact that it has already helped a few other people. Knowing that I have helped others is what is going to keep me going because if I've helped one person, then I can help more.
What Is Your Promise?
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